10. Why do Christians get divorced at the same rate as non-Christians?

The reason that the divorce rate among Christians is the same as those who are not Christians is because we have failed to obey what the Bible teaches about marriage. I am not talking simply that the Bible teaches that we should not get divorced (Mal 2.16; Mt 19.3; 1 Cor 7.11, 27). To make such an argument would be foolish. Rather, I am saying that in every case of Christian divorce, both husbands have failed to love their wives just as Jesus loved the church, sacrificially and abundantly and generously (Eph 5.25-33); and wives have failed to submit to their husbands as they would submit to Jesus (Eph 5.22-24). Men have been selfish, self seeking, and unfaithful to the women put under their protection and provision. They are lazy and passive and failed first to be masculine men, and second they failed to be husbands who showed their wives the love of Jesus. Additionally, women have been self seeking, self promoting and undercutting to their husbands. Their desire was not for their husbands (Gen 3.16) but rather they cut them down in public and in private. They did not trust that their husband had the capability to lead the family and so they took the reigns and drove the marriage into a ditch. And these men remained passive, casting off their responsibility to be godly, masculine and dependable men who are trustworthy of leadership and capable of being the head of the household. To be perfectly frank, I place the majority of the blame on the Christian men in these divorces. If these men were overbearing and selfish, slave-driving, taskmasters, then they did not love their wives like a servant—they didn’t love their wives like Jesus loved his disciples and his church. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples and died so that we might live. For these men this was an ideal that they never sought to reach. Also, if the women were nagging, argumentative, demeaning and rebellious, then the men failed to show their wives that they were Christ-like and worthy of submission, obedience, and respect. My wife does submit to me, not because I’m mean and cruel, but because she trusts that I love her and our family enough to do what is best for them and not me. And I serve her and show her that I am willing to give my life, my comfort, my time and my energy to make sure she and my children are happy, loved and cared for. Additionally, my wife is respectful and encouraging to me. She does not demean me publicly or privately nor is she pestering or nagging. She is a good help-mate and a wise confidant. She is my best friend and I lead her lovingly and supportively. Of course we fight and disagree about things. We naturally get frustrated with each other, but in the end I would give my life up for her.

The reason Christians get divorced at the same rate as non-Christians is because we are just as sinful and fallen as the rest of the world. Being a Christian does not transform you into a moral person—it transforms you into a worshiper of God. The Christian life is a journey that as you mature in Christ, you become more and more like Jesus. This is called sanctification. And it is typically a slow process that is never fully realized in this life. Constantly I need to repent and ask forgiveness for my rebellion against God and my sin. Yet, he is faithful and patient to forgive me. I am the first to admit and take responsibility for the fact that the church as a whole (Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Lutheran, etc.) has failed to be the example as God’s people to the rest of the world. However, this does not mean that God doesn’t exist or that he is a bad God. Rather, it simply means that we are still a sinful people in need of the love, grace and sacrifice of Jesus. I know the church is a mess. I am just as responsible as anyone else for its condition. But complaining about it and blogging about it does not fix anything. It contributes even more to the problem. Rather what will fix it is our love for one another (Jn 13.35) and the slow process of repentance which is turning away from our sins and rebellion and turning back to God and his Word.